it ain't over till it's over
i think this post is going to be a rant.
No, this must stop.
Ranting is sign of unorganised thought. Though, that is how I feel this very instant.
I need to start getting my act in place. Yesterday was a celebration of my perseverence during my second year at uni, having done well despite double commitments. Made a shopping trip to civic with a friend and had lunch, and chatted till we got chased out from the restaurant (which was really funny). And in the evening, I had my prize presentation ceremony. I was really happy to be there, not because I topped the level in that particular subject, but it was because I was able to set a goal and achieve it. It felt like back in first year when I was aiming to get a second scholarship to supplement my studies. I toiled and set standards so high I wished I was the only person who had to go through this self-induced pressure. I learned to do my best and leave the rest to Him.
What happened this year?
The results of ALL my 3 assessments were below par. it just feels hard to tell others sometimes that I think I have performed badly, because they just view your 'bad' as what they would deem 'good'. Am not disappointed at my poor results, but angry that I somehow lost control. And there is also squash training that I have to organise on my own, but first have to find a squash racquet. Have a floor function to run, trying to do my best but feels like it's not appreciated. Just. So. Many. Things. Running. Through. My. Head.
I want to get back that motivation. That undefeatable spirit - keeps going on no matter if I keep bumping into Failure. It is an option, but I CHOOSE not. I want to be victorious. I want to get a job that I enjoy, not that I know what I exactly want now, but I want a decent job so that I can support my family, current and future.
I don't know how long I'll last, but I just don't want to give up. Sometimes, I wonder what will happen on the day my determination falls apart. I think I will just crash. Hard.
Am I tough or am I lying to myself?
Stress Management #1: Do SMALL THINGS ONE STEP AT A TIME
Stress Management #2: BELIEVE in YOURSELF
Stress Management #3: FIND THE PROBLEM then FIX IT
It Ain't Over Till It's Over (thanks k.m.)
No, this must stop.
Ranting is sign of unorganised thought. Though, that is how I feel this very instant.
I need to start getting my act in place. Yesterday was a celebration of my perseverence during my second year at uni, having done well despite double commitments. Made a shopping trip to civic with a friend and had lunch, and chatted till we got chased out from the restaurant (which was really funny). And in the evening, I had my prize presentation ceremony. I was really happy to be there, not because I topped the level in that particular subject, but it was because I was able to set a goal and achieve it. It felt like back in first year when I was aiming to get a second scholarship to supplement my studies. I toiled and set standards so high I wished I was the only person who had to go through this self-induced pressure. I learned to do my best and leave the rest to Him.
What happened this year?
The results of ALL my 3 assessments were below par. it just feels hard to tell others sometimes that I think I have performed badly, because they just view your 'bad' as what they would deem 'good'. Am not disappointed at my poor results, but angry that I somehow lost control. And there is also squash training that I have to organise on my own, but first have to find a squash racquet. Have a floor function to run, trying to do my best but feels like it's not appreciated. Just. So. Many. Things. Running. Through. My. Head.
I want to get back that motivation. That undefeatable spirit - keeps going on no matter if I keep bumping into Failure. It is an option, but I CHOOSE not. I want to be victorious. I want to get a job that I enjoy, not that I know what I exactly want now, but I want a decent job so that I can support my family, current and future.
I don't know how long I'll last, but I just don't want to give up. Sometimes, I wonder what will happen on the day my determination falls apart. I think I will just crash. Hard.
Am I tough or am I lying to myself?
Stress Management #1: Do SMALL THINGS ONE STEP AT A TIME
Stress Management #2: BELIEVE in YOURSELF
Stress Management #3: FIND THE PROBLEM then FIX IT
It Ain't Over Till It's Over (thanks k.m.)
thoughts of tanoshi at 6:17 PM
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